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Janice Swanner

Janice Swanner, BSN, CHPN

Operational Director
North Scottsdale Assisted Living North Scottsdale
Central Scottsdale Assisted Living Scottsdale Ranch
Phoenix Assisted Living 19th Pl. #1
Phoenix Assisted Living 19th Pl. #2
(480) 605-4002

Brian Newton

Assistant Manager of Operations

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Mom Is Angry at Everyone: How Can You Figure Out the Proper Elder Care Option When She Refuses to Talk to You?

Assisted Living Paradise, AZ: Elder Care Options

When your mother is angry, what do you tend to do? Leave her alone? Let her vent and stew for a while? Do you think, silently to yourself, ‘Good, she deserves it’ because she was mean to you, frustrated, called you names, accused you of doing things, or is simply downright ornery?

It’s easy to feel those things, especially when you’re pouring your heart and soul into helping her. Many elderly people turn to their immediate family, often a spouse or adult child who lives in the area.

It might be to help her get the mail, buy her groceries, take her to a doctor’s appointment, clean the house, check on her once in a while, or an endless list of things she might need assistance with.

Some seniors become more withdrawn. They shy away from interaction, even with their closest family members and friends. Others get angry.

Where is the anger coming from?

Assisted Living Paradise, AZ: Elder Care Options
Assisted Living Paradise, AZ: Elder Care Options

It’s often coming from a place of fear. Your mother is feeling like she’s losing control of her life. She may even believe you and others want her to go away, mostly so you don’t have to worry about her anymore.

In truth, she’s hurting and scared of what the future may hold. When you’re in your 40s, 50s, or 60s, you are most likely able to do a lot of things you had been able to do in your 20s and 30s. Yet, when you’re in your 70s or 80s or even older, even the simplest things become more complicated.

It’s unsettling, to say the least. Your mother might not be thinking about elder care, even though it’s something she should be talking about.

Most people feel guilty, so they become the de facto caregiver.

That might describe you. Maybe you felt guilty about the prospect of telling her sorry, but you don’t have time to support her. After everything she did for you while you were growing up and supporting you through your young adult life, how could you turn your back on her now?

Elder care is not about turning your back.

It’s about choosing the best for those you love. Your mother may not see the same things. She may see it as a betrayal, but when you talk about elder care, like assisted living, you are actually looking out for her best long-term interest.

She’s looking to the immediate moment. Why can’t you just help her? Is it really that big of a deal?

Yes, it can be. That’s especially true when you don’t have any experience doing this type of work before. When you’ve never done something like this before, mistakes can happen. Things can be overlooked. And your mother could very well go for years missing out on some amazing opportunities because of that fear.

The key is to not take things personally. Easier said than done, right? For now, though, do your research about assisted living. Focus on the benefits, but don’t discount the possible negatives. Be honest with her when you lay out the reasons why you believe this is the right elder care choice for her moving forward.

In time, she’ll really see it as an act of love and nothing less.

If you or an aging loved-one is considering a move to Assisted Living in Paradise, AZ please contact the caring staff at MD Senior Living today. 480-267-9200

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